Quotes and Words of Wisdom - Page 50 - Chevy Impala Forums
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Tools and their descriptions

SKILLSAW: A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'. Will easily wind a tee shirt off your back.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

CHANNEL LOCKS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACK SAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also excels at amputations.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC PIPE CUTTER: A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also very effective at fingernail removal.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.

SOB TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'SOB' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them.
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People who drive slower than me are Assholes.
People who drive faster than me are Crazy.
http://www.crateenginedepot.com/350-...09-P10380.aspx

1983 Caprice Classic. 350 CID. 330 HP. 380 Ft.Lbs. Torque. Turbo 350 Trans. with Cooler.
Holly 0-83670 4 Barrel Carb. Headman Headers. Magnaflow Cats. Flowmaster Delta 50 Mufflers.
Electric Fan. Compu Star Alarm. Sony F-50 dash-cam with GPS Antenna. Crazy Canuck behind the Wheel.

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Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them.
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Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
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Buddy ! ! ! !

I have met/run into/dealt with, sooooooo many people that have gone through their entire lives like this.

I am a firm believer of removing the warning labels from EVERYTHING and just let natural selection run it's course.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them.
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You never appreciate what you've got till it's gone........
Toilet paper is a good example.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I generally realize right after I have said them.
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People who drive slower than me are Assholes.
People who drive faster than me are Crazy.
http://www.crateenginedepot.com/350-...09-P10380.aspx

1983 Caprice Classic. 350 CID. 330 HP. 380 Ft.Lbs. Torque. Turbo 350 Trans. with Cooler.
Holly 0-83670 4 Barrel Carb. Headman Headers. Magnaflow Cats. Flowmaster Delta 50 Mufflers.
Electric Fan. Compu Star Alarm. Sony F-50 dash-cam with GPS Antenna. Crazy Canuck behind the Wheel.

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75 years ago June 6th , Lest We Forget



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People who drive slower than me are Assholes.
People who drive faster than me are Crazy.
http://www.crateenginedepot.com/350-...09-P10380.aspx

1983 Caprice Classic. 350 CID. 330 HP. 380 Ft.Lbs. Torque. Turbo 350 Trans. with Cooler.
Holly 0-83670 4 Barrel Carb. Headman Headers. Magnaflow Cats. Flowmaster Delta 50 Mufflers.
Electric Fan. Compu Star Alarm. Sony F-50 dash-cam with GPS Antenna. Crazy Canuck behind the Wheel.


Last edited by Old Bones; 06-04-2019 at 12:40 PM.
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retiredpauly, sheila and kbz1960 like this.


People who drive slower than me are Assholes.
People who drive faster than me are Crazy.
http://www.crateenginedepot.com/350-...09-P10380.aspx

1983 Caprice Classic. 350 CID. 330 HP. 380 Ft.Lbs. Torque. Turbo 350 Trans. with Cooler.
Holly 0-83670 4 Barrel Carb. Headman Headers. Magnaflow Cats. Flowmaster Delta 50 Mufflers.
Electric Fan. Compu Star Alarm. Sony F-50 dash-cam with GPS Antenna. Crazy Canuck behind the Wheel.

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People who drive slower than me are Assholes.
People who drive faster than me are Crazy.
http://www.crateenginedepot.com/350-...09-P10380.aspx

1983 Caprice Classic. 350 CID. 330 HP. 380 Ft.Lbs. Torque. Turbo 350 Trans. with Cooler.
Holly 0-83670 4 Barrel Carb. Headman Headers. Magnaflow Cats. Flowmaster Delta 50 Mufflers.
Electric Fan. Compu Star Alarm. Sony F-50 dash-cam with GPS Antenna. Crazy Canuck behind the Wheel.

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.....
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Old Bones and retiredpauly like this.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
************************************************** ******************************
2012 Chevy Sonic LTZ--Given to Son
Current ride-
2012 Impala LT



****************************************


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